Most of us would agree that death is a pretty severe side affect, and it’s fairly difficult to continue living without your liver.

It turns out that the best way to lose weight is to eat a balanced diet with a reasonable amount of calorie and add exercise into that mix.

Who knew?!

I loved “Hogan Knows Best” and used to watch it faithfully. I thought they were a cute family. Clearly that was all for the cameras, since it turns out they seem to hate each other.

But this Nick Hogan accident thing is outrageous. Nick decides to drink, then get into a souped up car and drag race, permanently disables his buddy John, and then not only whines about having to go to jail, but has conversations with his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Hulk, about how John had it coming!

I’m a strong believer in Karma, but I don’t believe for a second that God was working through Nick Hogan to teach John a lesson. Nick Hogan is no Gideon.

The Hogans, with their eleventy-jillion dollars, should be offering every kind of help they can think of to John and his family, and Terry & Linda should tell Nick to shut up and stop whining about getting what he deserves. If anything, Nick got off light.

I’m serving notice. If my kids break the law and hurt someone, I’m not bailing them out, I’m not trying to get them out of trouble. In life, you do good, good happens, you do bad, bad happens. It really is that simple.

They say the definition of a fool is “someone that does the same thing over and over expecting different results.” So here’s my thought.

People that live along the gulf coast and Southeastern coast of the United States are fools. That has to be the answer. How many hurricanes are we up to, just this year? 25? 30?

Boo-frickity-hoo, you lost your house/business/car again. You stupid idiot, you live in the middle of hurricane central. If you don’t like losing your house 12 times a year, why don’t you try living somewhere that doesn’t get destroyed all the damn time?

Sure, there are risks of disaster wherever you live. But you can’t call the hurricane problem a “risk.” It’s a reality. 12 to 30 times per year, your stuff is going to be blown over and flooded. It’s only a “risk” if there’s also a chance it might NOT happen.

But Pete, you live in tornado alley… who are you to talk.

Tornados happen all the time in Kansas, it’s a fact. Once in a blue moon, they knock over a couple of houses, or more accurately, a couple of trailers. Once in 50 years, it will knock over a dozen houses. Once every couple of years, it takes the roof off of an apartment building.

That’s a little different than having EVERY TREE, BUILDING, AND HOUSE BLOWN OVER AND FLOODED EVERY YEAR! You can’t get insurance? Duh. I wouldn’t give you insurance… or more accurately, I wouldn’t give you insurance unless you paid me roughly 120% of the value of your house and all of your stuff each year. Do you think you can afford that?

You rich old people that want to live and retire in Florida… good. I like it when people on Social Security choose to live somewhere that they’ll end up washed out to sea.

Call it a tax on the stupid.

Whatever the case, I’m sick and tired of my tax dollars going to bail out people to stupid to live somewhere safe. Next time, you’re on your own.

If one were superstitious, one might begin to think that living in Asia is not a great idea. And who knows, perhaps all of this is happening for a reason. I wouldn’t begin to try and guess what it might be, except perhaps retribution by God. But if that were the case, I think the good old US would be deserving of a heaping helping as well.

However, that’s not why I bring it up.

How many people died in Katrina? Somewhere around 1,000? We’re going to spend 300 billion dollars repairing one city where 1,000 people died. We’re sending 50 million to Asia.

Now, I’d be the first person to say we should look out for ourselves before helping others, but lets be pragmatic for a moment. 300 billion dollars for a swampy toilet bowl of a city seems like a bad tradeoff for helping an entire COUNTRY, a country which could probably be rebuilt in its entirety for about 5 billion.

I’m disgusted with the way we blow things out of proportion in the US. We’re so incredibly spoiled that we will talk about a few hundred dead for months, and only talk about 200,000 dead for a few weeks. That seems ridiculous to me.

If we were not so deeply invested in our “oil assets” in the Middle East, we would have plenty of resources to bail out New Orleans AND give some real help to Asia. (i.e. build some buildings to actual earthquake codes, install a fricking alarm system so people can evacuate)

We are so whiny, and it seems especially so concerning New Orleans. When one chooses to live in between an ocean, a major delta, and a huge lake, water is bound to be a problem at some point. If you don’t like it, go somewhere else! It’s not the fault or the responsibility of anyone else in the US to fix it for you.

Am I saying we shouldn’t help the people in New Orleans? Of course not. We should feed them, clothe them, and give them space in a shelter until they can figure out what they’re going to do. What we shouldn’t do is give them a brand new house in the same stupid location that just got wiped out. Most of the people affected by Katrina were poor. Most people would say that means they need EXTRA help. To me, it means they already didn’t have anything, and now they still don’t have anything. If they lost a 10,000$ house, we certainly shouldn’t spend 100,000$ on a new one for them.

That’s just outright communism.

I’m not one to be a hater when someone dies. Grief is a part of life that no one looks forward to, and that everyone deals with in their own way.

Cindy Sheehan deals with the death of her son by belittling the decision that HE made. When I first heard about Cindy, I thought, wow, that’s too bad about her son, and it’s a shame he got drafted into such a dumb war.

Then I remembered. There isn’t a draft. There hasn’t been a draft since Vietnam. So naturally, that made me wonder why she was so mad at George Bush about her son’s death. You see, Bush will ultimately be held accountable for any decisions he made with bad motives, or without thinking first. If not before, he’ll be held accountable on judgement day.

But that’s not really the issue here, is it?

When a person signs up for the military, there are a multitude of different reasons. Let’s address some of them.

Some people sign up for the military because they want to have their college paid for. That’s their choice, and when you boil it down to it’s simplest reality, it’s a decision made from greed or desperation.

Some people sign up for the military because they are bums that need a kickstart to their lives. People like this need the structure and discipline that the military offers in order to get off their lazy butts. Again, it’s their choice.

Some people join the military because they are poor, and the military will give them three squares regardless of their educational background, intelligence, or work ethic. The military has a way of beating people into acting right.

Some people join the military for the right reason… because they are proud of their country and want to do their part to protect her freedom.

Some people join the military for a variety of these reasons.

So why did Cindy’s son join the military? Was it because he wanted the college money? If so, there are many other ways to go to college, and if you’re poor, there are countless grants available if you just have the wherewithall to get up and go to the building and apply. Did her son join because he was an unmotivated bum? If so, why was he a bum? Why didn’t his mother whip him into shape instead of having the military do it? Why would a mother stand by while her son signs up for service? Did he join because he was poor? If so, why didn’t his mother work a second or third job to allow him to stay here? Why didn’t she tell him about all of the options young people from low-income families will be happily given if they just ask?

Or finally, did he join the military because he loved this country and wanted to feel like a real contributor to freedom? I suspect this is at least a large portion of the reason that he joined. The kind of pride that young men feel after serving in the military can’t be bought or learned anywhere else.

If he served because he wanted to serve, then he is the only person responsible for that decision. He knew what the risks of service were, and he clearly knew that we were ready to wage a “war on terror.” Yet, with his eyes wide open, he still chose to join the military, and sadly, he paid the ultimate price.

BUT, the greatest dishonor we could ever bestow on him is the one that his mother and her supporters are giving him. He should be celebrated for what he did, not used as a political token, or as a soapbox, or portrayed as a “victim.” He was not a victim. He was a soldier, and he was doing what soldiers do. Regardless of the war, regardless of the President and his motives, he did the right thing, and his mother, in her grief… is doing the wrong thing.

Peter

Motorcycles. If you ride a motorcycle, you will die in a fiery crash. It’s a guarantee. Guys that drive motorcycles have this manly macho air about them, at least that’s what women seem to think. When I see a guy drive by on a motorcycle, I think “Gosh, it’s too bad he can’t afford to buy a car.”

We have vehicles that have air conditioning, protection from the elements, 4 wheels. We invented a 4 wheel vehicle because it was a stable design. It doesn’t fall over when you stop moving. I’ve been at a stoplight behind a motorcycle and watched it literally fall over on its side and pin the guy to the ground. My car never does that to me.

And then we have the super-macho crotch rocket guys, who think it’s great fun to drive 100 mph on nothing but the rear tire. At least most of these guys wear helmets, so they can live as a cripple for the next 60 years along with their uninjured brain.

I’m not going to sit here and say that choppers aren’t cool to look at. They are. But as a mode of transportation they suck. They have all of the safety features of a moped, but they also go fast. Not a good combination.

So guys, if you think that driving a motorcycle makes you seem macho and worldly, just remember, those of us in our cars are laughing at you.

Pete

I guess I’ve probably milked as many comments out of that super-long previous entry. Time to update.

Ok, as you might guess, I don’t really have anything on my mind at all except for Philly, and the contents therein. However, I must press on, as you all are paying customers and demand to be fed fresh material on a regular basis.

Oh wait. You all don’t pay. Never mind then.

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Honestly, let’s talk about Michael Jackson getting off. And I mean that in the legal sense. Well, actually it’s true however you take it. Whatever. I’m fricking tired and I don’t have time to explain.

What an amazing country we live in, first of all, where anyone can grow up to be a rich pedophile with no nose. Imagine a world in which you couldn’t be so filthy rich that you couldn’t wake up one day and say “You know what, I’m sick and tired of this damned nose… cut it off, doc.” Perhaps Michael thinks that little boys prefer men without noses. We won’t even get started about his chin.

It’s been a rough life for old Michael… child star, undoubtedly molested by numerous people, insanely talented and wealthy, totally nuts. Michael was the only Jackson that made something of himself, relatively speaking. Janet’s only claim to fame after decades in the music industry is her 2 second nip slip-up. Latoya is even worse, and then there are the others, who I cannot personally name except I think there’s one with an Italian name…. Tino? Tito? Whatever. The point being, none of them did anything with their lives.

Michael peaked in the early 80’s, and started the slippery slope towards insanely wealthy has-been. He comforted himself in the fact that he could spend his time luring boys back to his bedroom. However, due to his incessant facial feature removal process, boys were afraid of him. He needed something to get their attention.

Of course… an amusement park. That’ll get the boys running to the bedroom.

Thank god we live in a society where rich insane guys can molest without having to go to jail. Emphasis on rich, of course.

If I were rich, I’d probably spend my money building the most awesome website in the world, and I’d mass mail every email address in the world telling them about the awesomitude (thanks Dusty) that is my site. And world peace would be a natural side effect.

The crazy featureless guys always have the most money. What a waste.

Why is it in our modern world that the only time you hear people happy about the deaths of civilians and bystanders it’s Muslims doing the talking? If I had a dime for every time I heard a Muslim on TV saying “Our religion is a religion of peace” I could buy a luxury yacht. They turn around and immediately begin burning the American flag, as if to say “it’s ok if we desecrate important cultural symbols, but you’d better not.” For Pete’s sake… if someone throws a Bible on the ground, I doubt very much that God is up there thinking “Holy cow, that stinking Muslim just desecrated a Bible… kill them all!”

And if Islam was a religion of peace, then they would look to Ghandi as an example. Peace means you hold peace dear, and you turn the other cheek when someone smacks you. Peace does not mean “peace unless you say something bad about our God.” As an alert reader recently pointed out, the word “Islam” means “Submission.” It’s diametrically opposed to everything we as Americans hold dear. To protect it is to pour sand into the very foundation of our great country.

Just one more example of why we need to wipe Islam off the face of the Earth once and for all.

This brings up an interesting topic.

Why is it that short guys try to act so macho? Short women don’t act macho. Normal sized people don’t generally try to act macho. If you’re tall, you can act wussy and no one thinks any less of you…

So I did a little poll. The sample wasn’t very big (I asked a short friend of mine), so I can’t speak to the statistical accuracy of the following information. Let’s just say for the sake of argument that my sample is big enough to infer the findings to the population at large. The following is a transcript of my poll with my short friend, hereafter called “Les.”

Pete: So, Les, what’s it like living your life with everyone looking down on you… literally?

Les: Listen jerkwad, I’ll kick your ass, you big wussy.

Pete: So what you’re saying is that society places a premium on size, as evidenced by the fact that the average president of the US is 6′9″?

Les: I’ll kick the president’s wussy butt, too!

Pete: Why do you feel compelled to talk with so much machismo?

Les: Listen bub, don’t you use your fancy college words on me. I’m three times as smart, and 9 times tougher than you!

Pete: Would you say that it makes you bitter when everyone talks to me but doesn’t notice that you’re there?

Les: Everybody likes me! I’m 500 times more popular than you are, you stupid sob!

Pete: How do you explain your unnatural desire to pump iron 5 hours a day? Isn’t it moot since I can still beat you up and I don’t ever exercise?

Les: What the…! I could kick your butt with both my arms and both my legs tied behind my back.

Pete: When a woman takes one look at you and starts laughing, how does that make you feel?

Les: I have more women than you’ll ever have, Pete. Women know I’ve got it going on, punk.

Pete: How do you explain the fact that I’ve had more dates in the past year than you have?

Les: Man, I have at least 3 dates every day. You must be some kind of a moron. I’m going to take you outside and whoop your sissy ass.

Pete: Well, thanks Les. You’ve done a fantastic job of reinforcing every stereotype I had of short men.

Les: SHORT! What are you talking about. I’m at least 10 inches taller than you! What are…. (click)

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Thank god that phone call ended.

College sports are lame. Indeed, they are. College sports are “the man’s” way of generating revenue for the college, while at the same time fooling people into continuing phys ed.

You notice that almost never do you see a really knowledgeable person playing sports. Sure, there are exceptions, like… oh wait… maybe there aren’t. I sure can’t think of any at the moment. Sports are a substitute for useful learning.

Frankly, I blame the colleges. They are exploiting members of the student body, and I think that’s just wrong.

Now sure, the athletes (ignorant people) think that it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. They get to skip class, blow off homework, bomb tests, and still graduate, while all the while getting to indulge in the sport of their choice.

Only trouble is, after they spend their college career worrying about their percentage of body fat instead of worrying about the number of neural synapses they form, they leave college dumber than when they started.

I freely admit, I always secretly wished I was a jock. Girls like jocks. Jocks are usually cocky, muscular, and full of themselves, three qualities that women just can’t get enough of. (Note the subtle use of a preposition at the end of the previous sentence.) However, that was the only reason I ever wanted to be a jock. I have no innate desire to bond with a bunch of sweaty guys, nor do I have any desire to shower with them, etc.

But I quickly realized that intense athletics and real learning do not mix well. I’m such a quick study, I realized this in high school, thus saving myself a life of misery. (Or if ignorance is bliss, then a life of bliss.) I’m not saying I couldn’t have gotten A’s while playing a sport…. I’m just saying I wouldn’t have learned anything in the process. Anyone can get A’s if they’re a good skimmer. But they sure aren’t going to acquire much knowledge, even by accident.

Sports are idolized, especially in college. They ARE the school spirit. When was the last time you saw the “MBA Cheerleaders?” Trust me, we could use them. But academics has taken a back seat.

Am I bitter that I was not a jock? No, not really. Every jock I know went on to a brilliant career of making 10 bucks an hour. Note that I don’t know anyone that’s become a professional athlete. They may make a lot of money, but, so did MC Hammer. That only proves once again that the IQ of the masses is the mean (100) divided by the population (n=250,000,000) which gives us a mean IQ of 0.0000004. I’m just saying.

I digress… college sports are a way for people that were slackers in high school to get scholarships. Ooooh. You can throw a ball… I’m soooo impressed.