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I’m a fairly pessimistic person. I’m not necessarily proud of that fact, but it’s true. I generally expect that whatever can go wrong will go wrong. I’m not usually disappointed, because let’s face it… Murphy was right.

Because I’m a pessimist, I always make contingency plans. I never go into a situation without having some sort of backup plan. You could call it OCD, but mostly it’s pessimism. I expect things to go wrong, and I secretly harbor the superstition that if I’m prepared for any contingency… nothing will actually go wrong.

I know, I know. Stupid.

I’m married to an eternal optimist. I also have some good friends who are the same way.

Optimists get disappointed ALL the time because they always expect the best. They are genuinely surprised when things don’t go right. It used to annoy me to see optimists foolishly expecting everything to be great. But then I started to realize that these people were also happy most of the time.

Hmmm.

There’s really no such thing as a “realistic optimist,” because if you live on planet Earth, the only “realistic” way to be is pessimistic. Being a realist IS being a pessimist.

But pessimists are unhappy most of the time. They spend a lot of time expecting things to go badly. Often, things DO go badly, so we pessimists get our beliefs confirmed.

Why is it that when optimists get their hopes dashed, they are still optimists?

I think it’s because they choose to look at the bright side of life. They see a half full glass. I don’t think that’s foolish at all.

Other people will never respect your boundaries enough to simply leave you alone. They will insist on inviting you to things, asking you for help, asking you to volunteer, etc. I suppose that’s a good thing, because you don’t want not to have options.

However, I know many people who haven’t learned to say no. These people end up overwhelmed and worn out, unable to find alone time (which we all need). They wonder why they never feel like they get a break. And the answer is… the reason they feel that way is that they DON’T ever get a break.

I’m good at saying no. Some would say I’m TOO good at it.

Still, I find it difficult to say no to certain things. I have a hard time saying no to churches that need volunteers. I don’t necessarily seek out work, but sometimes they seek me out. Saying no is especially difficult if they need help with something I happen to be good at. For example, I’m currently running sound at the church on a regular rotation. I’m good at running sound, but I don’t like doing it. The church needs help with it, so I do it in spite of my dislike.

However, I almost never say yes to things I don’t enjoy doing. I don’t like outdoor activities… I pretty much always say no. I HATE smoky bars. I always say no.

I don’t feel bad saying no. Many people would. The silly thing is, the person inviting you to do something probably cares very little either way…

I guess that’s the thing to remember if you’re one of those people. Nobody cares if you’re there anyway. Don’t go unless you want to.

I think the same thing applies to right and wrong. Having grown up in fundamentalist Christian churches and school, I was exposed to lots of people who had a clearly defined sense of right and wrong. I also have many non-Christian friends, and their ideas of right and wrong are very different.

For example, the people I grew up with would be mortified at the thought of listening to “secular music,” having long hair (for guys), showing cleavage (for girls), going to see an R rated movie… and the list goes on. The basic things like not killing and stealing are universally accepted. But it’s all that other stuff that seems to be gray area.

I think that people’s sense of right and wrong sometimes get magnified in certain areas that they personally struggle with. For example, someone who can’t stop thinking about women might decide that all women should wear burkas. Oh wait – that IS what happens in Muslim countries. But also it happens here in America. Not the burka thing… but forcing women to dress a certain way so that we men won’t have dirty thoughts. That’s a very normal fundamentalist Christian thing to have as a standard. And even the Bible debunks this idea – “All these rules do not restrain sexual immorality…” In other words, making up a bunch of arbitrary rules will not stop people from thinking whatever they want.

But I would contend that it’s the man’s responsibility not to be a cretin, not the woman’s responsibility to make herself unattractive. Don’t you agree?

I recently posted some new photos on Facebook in my Barrett Graphics album. There wasn’t anything nude or lingerie… just sexy. They were pictures of an attractive young lady in sexy outfits. I immediately got a frenzy of emails from several of my fundamentalist friends asking me to remove them.

Out of respect, I did remove them. I can understand that Facebook is a very public forum where people of all types hang out. But that got me thinking…. why do I have to? These photos, although sexy, were not inappropriate in my opinion. The model was perfectly comfortable showing the photos to her friends and family. I was and still am very proud of the quality of the photography, which was what I was trying to show off.

Thus I’m left wondering why several people were offended by the photos I posted. Is this back to that “higher standard” crap that I hate so much? Do I have a duty to make sure nothing I do offends anyone? Or even more importantly, if someone looks at a photo I take and they decide to lust, does that mean the photo is inappropriate?

I would contend that people can lust over just about anything. Like a Sears catalog for instance. Shouldn’t the standard be “does this make ME lust”? (I’m making the assumption that we all agree lust is wrong – you know – one of the 7 deadly sins.) Or is taking that position abdicating to moral relativism, which I also detest?

There’s a verse in the Bible that is often quoted in fundamentalist circles: “Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.” – Romans 14:13

This verse was used to justify a laundry list of rules that aren’t in the Bible. Don’t drink, because you might lead an alcoholic to fall off the wagon by your example. Don’t hold hands with a girl in public, because people will assume you’re having sex and they will have sex too. Don’t wear a short skirt, because you might cause a perv to lust over you. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Is this actually what the Bible means or are we just using it as an excuse to be legalistic? I think that what the verse REALLY means is: DON’T TAKE YOUR ALCOHOLIC FRIEND TO THE BAR AND DON’T TAKE YOUR PERVY FRIEND TO HOOTERS.

Gluttony is also a sin, but you don’t hear many people talking about that one in church. That’s because we love our potlucks and picnics just a little too much. That’s one sin we Christians just aren’t willing to give up.

So here’s my conclusion. I won’t live my life trying not to offend people. People will always find a reason to be offended. I will let my conscience be my guide because my conscience is just as good as anyone else’s. Starting next week, assuming I have time to edit it this weekend, my photography website will contain PG images.

Commence to being offended. (By which I mean, admire my talent as a photographer, for Pete’s sake!)

My line if thinking is far more advanced than that, and I think once you think about it, you’ll agree.

As citizens of the United States, we are all raised to believe that every individual is special and has a voice in how the country is run. On it’s surface, that sounds good, and we even have a political system that claims to do that through representative government.

However, the two party system has destroyed any chance of Joe Sixpack having any influence on the direction of the country (just as George Washington predicted).

That leaves three kinds of people.

First, there are the powerful. They aren’t necessarily rich, but chances are they came from money and bought their way into a position in government. These people have one agenda – stay in power. They are willing to do that by any means necessary. These days, all that requires is a good PR firm to market you. Yes, there’s a “struggle” between the two parties that constantly jockeys back and forth, but when was the last time you could tell the difference between a Republican and a Democrat? I don’t mean based on rhetoric – I mean based on their actions.

There’s no real difference, and that’s because both parties want one thing – to be in charge. He who is in charge gets to hold the country’s wallet. And that’s a pretty good gig. I wouldn’t want to give it up, either.

No one reading my blog is in the first category. People with that kind of power don’t care what the proletarians think.

That means you fall into one of the following categories.

There are the politically astute person without any power. That was me until recently. I thought if I educated myself and then educated others, engaged in grass-roots political action, etc. that I could impact the direction of the country… at least on a local level. I honestly believed I had a voice. Then I’d watch the news every day and it would make me angry, anxious, and generally disillusioned. It didn’t matter what logic and common sense dictated… the government did the opposite. It didn’t matter how much people in Washington lied (of both parties), they kept getting elected. It didn’t even matter that Washington politicians promised one thing and did the opposite. We blindly put them back into office over and over.

I finally realized that the first group of people have 100% of the power. It doesn’t really matter what the other 95% of the people in the country do, think, or fight for. It’s really moot.

That’s when I decided I need, for the sake of my own health, to move myself into category three.

These are the people who ignore politics altogether. They have a vague notion that we have a President who occasionally gets replaced, and if they can name him, they’re doing well. They don’t know how Barney Frank contributed to the mortgage meltdown while claiming it was George Bush. They believe everything the media spoon feeds them.

But what I realized is that the ignorant people and the powerful people are the only ones that are happy. Ignorance really is bliss, because there’s no downside to being ignorant of things that only have the potential to upset you, and that you can’t affect or control.

I was losing sleep over the crazy things people were doing in Washington. The lies they were telling, the hypocritical finger pointing. The double standards. It really did upset me.

About a month ago, I switched my radio away from the news and politics and put the dial on 610 Sports Radio. I stopped reading political news. I don’t even listen to the local talk show that focuses on Kansas City politics. I cut myself off completely.

And guess what… I’m happier, less stressed out, and less anxious.

I used to think it was awful that people were willfully ignorant. Now I know THEY were the smart ones all along.

Now Jenna, on the other hand, is ready for kids. All of her friends have kids, and I suppose it’s the normal, natural thing for people our age.

I have always said I wanted to be debt free before I have kids… I don’t want to make having a kid any more stressful than it is by struggling to pay the bills. But then I think about the fact that I always tried to do things at the “right” time.

I’m not so sure that much in life really has a “right time.” Wrong time, yes. But for example, I didn’t want to get married till I finished school. Now, I wonder why. I mean, I could have just as easily finished school married as I did not married. What the heck difference did it make?

I have a tendency to defer good things until I get all of the conceivable bad things taken care of first. Delayed gratification can be a good thing in some cases. For example, when I eat my dinner, I eat my least favorite thing first so I can end on a high note. Does that translate to big life decisions?

That’s the million dollar question.

On the one side, I’ve seen many broke people have kids and really struggle. On the other hand, I’ve seen many couple have kids with absolutely no game plan and had things work out fine.

I’m not sure if it’s a matter of preparation as much as it is a matter of being the type of person who makes good decisions. I make good decisions now without having kids, what makes me think I’d suddenly stop making good decisions if I did have kids?

Of course, it makes sense to wait until we can reasonably live on a single income, because Jenna will want to be home with kids once we start. So today probably isn’t the best time, but… maybe next year?

All I’m saying is maybe “debt free” is a pointless goal with respect to having kids. I’d feel pretty stupid if I deferred something good so long that it was no longer possible…

I’d argue that many people who appear “good” are actually sickos behind closed doors (wife beaters, child abusers, etc.). So I’d argue that more often than not, bad things happen to bad people.

However, I personally wonder why GOOD things happen to BAD people. Why are greedy, evil bastards getting rich and becoming powerful? Why do lowlife scumbags win the lottery? Why has Hugh Hefner lived a long and healthy life?

These questions are much harder to understand because they make one question the wisdom of living a “good” life. If good and bad things happening are totally random, what’s the point of being good? Why not just do whatever you feel like? If there’s no such thing as Karma, then surely there’s no point to denying yourself anything you want to do. You can simply repent on your deathbed and still go to heaven (assuming you believe in heaven).

There are countless thugs getting rich playing in the NBA while good people serving in homeless shelters and charities aren’t able to pay their basic bills. That doesn’t seem fair, does it?

Does Kobe deserve to be making millions a year, or does he deserve to be in jail for rape?

I’d argue that doing “good” is a reward unto itself. It makes you a more centered, balanced person. There’s no financial payoff. There’s no glory in it. It’s simply the right thing to do.

But what’s the distinction between “artistic” nudity and “pornographic” nudity? Most people tell you that “you’ll know when you see it.” But again, isn’t that pretty stinking subjective?

For example, if a 12 year old boy sees an “artistic” nude photo, isn’t that pretty much good enough for him? For that matter, isn’t the Sears catalog good enough for him?

I have no idea what the steadfast criteria are, because I don’t think there are any. Many a controversial “artist” was accused of being a porn peddler only to be defended by the ACLU. That ultimately extends the definition of artistic nudity farther and farther, and makes “pornography” a small and extreme subset. It’s only porn if it depicts a sex act, right?

That’s what we learned…

I’m not saying I know the answer to the question. What do you all think?

There’s been a lot of debate about nurture versus nature. I have a hard time believing bad character traits can be passed down genetically. I find it more likely that children emulate their parent’s behavior. That’s why people who are chuckleheads seem to always have really worthless children.

When I drive by a Quiktrip, I think “wow, I want to go in and buy a drink” but there are others who drive by Quiktrip and think “hmmm. I could totally rob that place” or “I’m going to go shoplift a SlimJim.” When I used to drink, I always planned ahead of time how I’d be getting home. I knew that even if I “felt” fine, it was illegal to drink and drive and I was going to follow the rules. Other people either don’t think about it at all, or they consciously look for ways to get away with driving drunk.

When something needs to be done, I naturally feel responsible for it, whatever it might be. I don’t think “I’m going to let someone else do that…” a lot of the time I still feel responsible even if someone else SAID they would do it. The idea of just letting something slide never crosses my mind. Other people can blow off responsibility and never give it a second thought. In a way, I’m jealous of them.

It actually bothers me when someone else SHOULD be doing something but isn’t. But rather than get mad at them, as they deserve, I simply feel compelled to do it myself. It’s actually a very bad trait to have.

I don’t understand the mindset that so many people have… being flippant about “right” and “wrong” and ignoring laws they don’t like, etc. Do these people even have a conscience? If not, why not?

My new theory is that people who don’t have a conscience are that way because they don’t have a soul… kinda like a goldfish.

I’m kidding, of course.

Where do parents go wrong that their kids end up lazy, irresponsible, selfish, and thuggish (in other words, Democrats)? I wonder if these parents had rules for their children that they actually enforced. It’s easy to say “you kids have to do your homework before you play any video games” but if it’s not enforced, aren’t you teaching your kids that rules are optional?

Gosh, parents are dumb. No wonder we have raised an entire generation of Democrats.

Now the real interesting thing that is coming with this new and deep recession is what I’m morbidly curious to see. Eventually, those of us who make good decisions and work hard are going to realize that there’s no advantage. We just get penalized for our hard work so the lazy bad people can get a handout. What’s going to happen when the rest of decide to take our toys and go home, and live off the Gubment? Who’s going to pay the taxes to fund all this crap?

Count me out!

Instead, I’d like to discuss the readily observable concept of natural selection. Now Darwin used this to explain how critters evolved from one critter to a completely different critter. It’s massively funny to me. That doggone lizard just couldn’t reach the bugs, so he strained and strained, and somehow this ALTERED his DNA to include wings, which was subsequently passed on to his offspring. That’s about as likely as the sun suddenly turning into a giant slice of pepperoni.

The kind of natural selection I’d like to discuss is more along the lines of the Darwin Awards.

There’s an equal and opposite reaction to every action. I believe this is a universal truth. It’s why bad guys always end up getting what they deserve in the long run. Some people call it Karma, but I think it’s more fundamental than that. I think it’s science.

If I smoke cigarettes my entire life, chances are I will enjoy the benefits later in life of cancer, emphysema, pneumonia, and other assorted maladies associated with sucking 200+ deadly chemicals into my lungs 10 times a day. If I drink a lot of alcohol, chances are I will enjoy the benefits of dead brain cells, liver failure, DUI, and possible jail time for manslaughter. If I eat (or drink) nothing but sugar my entire life, chances are I will enjoy the benefits of obesity, heart disease, and diabetes.

And the list goes on.

People engage in high risk activities all the time, usually under the guise of “fun” or “being cool” or “personal preference.” And that’s fine. Nature has a way of weeding out those who are asking for it.

People are always horrified when a professional football player gets an injury. Sure, it’s sad. But isn’t merely playing football asking for a concussion? I always think “man, I hope I never get a concussion” and then I remember – I don’t engage in activities that result in concussions.

Of course there is risk in our daily activities, even if we don’t engage in dangerous sports or self-destructive behaviors. But to engage in a lifestyle that’s asking for trouble and then complaining when trouble arrives – that’s just stupid.

“It’s so unfair that I got this STD” some people say. Well, if you’re having unprotected sex with anonymous partners… how shall I say this… “DUH.” “But Pete, I WAS using protection when I had sex with dozens of anonymous partners!” Hmm. Karma’s like that sometimes, eh?

So what’s my point of all this? Basically this. If you engage in high-risk activities and something bad happens, shut up and deal!

Those people are not real Americans.

Real Americans – those who believe in what the country stands for – can be found throughout the midwest. When a tornado 2 miles wide completely leveled Greenwood, KS, the townsfolk never complained – just thanked god they were alive. They used the opportunity to do something amazing – rebuilding the town back 100% “green”.

You probably read that a military jet crashed into a residential area this week. There were four people killed, a mother, two children, and a grandmother, all from one family. The husband was at work when it happened, and came home to his recently purchased home completely gone, and his entire family including his newborn daughter killed.

This man was a naturalized Korean who had lived her since 1989. I’m sure you’re all guess what he said – probably something like “The people responsible for destroying everything I cared about in my life will pay for this!” But that’s not what he said.

Instead, he asked for divine help in making it through the grief, and he told the reporters that everyone should pray for the pilot (who had safely ejected) so that he would be able to deal with what had just happened.

His first instinct was to have people pray for the pilot who just crashed a plane into his home.

This man is a REAL American. He understands that bad things do happen, and usually happen on accident. He wasn’t looking for someone to blame, just looking upwards for comfort.

Dong Yun Yoon is my new hero.