Sure, it has it’s plus side – you can curse without retribution. But sometimes cursing just doesn’t meet with general standards of decorum. Like in the case of the guy I just met who has Tourette syndrome.

I met him at church. Not my church, but at A church. He was a music leader for a young adults group. And dude could NOT stop saying “F@# YOUR A@!#$ M@$@$#F*&)@#”. I mean, every 5 seconds. Same phrase every time.

For some reason, when he was singing, it didn’t happen, but as soon as he stopped, “F@# YOUR A@!#$ M@$@$#F*&)@#.” Including when he would pray. He was pretty good at taking the mic away from his face when he would say it, but you could still hear it faintly. And occasionally he wouldn’t quite get the mic moved in time, and then he would say “F@# YOUR A@!#$ M@$@$#F*&)@#” through the PA system, which was VERY strange to hear in church.

I’m not going to bag on this guy. He’s clearly making the best of his lot in life by trying to serve. However, I’m not sure I agree with his choice of servitude options. Someone who frequently blurts “F@# YOUR A@!#$ M@$@$#F*&)@#” isn’t necessarily the best choice for on-stage performance. Nor would the job of church “greeter.” A guest at a church doesn’t generally expect to hear “Good morning, welcome to our church. F@# YOUR A@!#$ M@$@$#F*&)@#.” Just like a guest at a church doesn’t expect the worship pastor to say “thank you God, praise God, F@# YOUR A@!#$ M@$@$#F*&)@#.”

There have to be more suitable ways for this guy to serve. Like the sound guy. Nobody can hear what the sound guy says because they stick him at the back in a booth. Or how about the drummer. Drummer’s get stuck at the back of the stage behind a soundproof plexiglass cage. How about janitor? People EXPECT the janitor to walk around saying “F@# YOUR A@!#$ M@$@$#F*&)@#.”

So in summary, it obviously sucks to be this guy. It also sucks that he has chosen a position in a church that lets him shout “F@# YOUR A@!#$ M@$@$#F*&)@#” 150 times per service. Through the PA system.

Did I mention how weird it was to have a conversation with someone who was super nice but who also interjected “F@# YOUR A@!#$ M@$@$#F*&)@#” every other sentence? Because it was weird.

Apparently the fact that Christmas is traditionally a celebration of Jesus’ birth, that sounds at least vaguely related to Christmas…

The school did not agree.

Read it for yourself here: Massachusetts Thinks Religion = Psychosis

Mercy Church Video Page (Click “Getting Close to God,” then click “Special Music Service,” then click the play button.)

I don’t like running sound.

We have to set up and break down everything each week… can’t just leave the sound system set up.

So, at 7:30 on a Sunday morning I get to do heavy lifting, then sound checking, then run-through, then service, then break everything down.

I’m theoretically in the band. I play bass.

I haven’t played bass in several months. We have been short on sound people in the rotation, so instead of doing what I like to do, I get to do something that I hate (which people say I’m good at).

I can’t wait for the day when we have enough people I don’t have to be in the sound rotation anymore. Ugh.

It’s actually an interesting exercise to think about how you might do things differently if you had started out with your current level of understanding. I’m 31, and I know a lot more than I did when I was 21. I’m sure when I’m 41, I will look back at 31 and feel the same way.

Things I know now that would have changed the way I did things:

• You can’t “make” a relationship work by trying really hard. It’s either going to work or it isn’t, and there isn’t a direct correlation between effort and results. – If I had known that 10 years ago, I would have made completely different relationship choices. My tendency was to pick someone I was attracted to then work my butt off trying to make it into a relationship. Foolish optimism? Probably.
• I’m a much better boss than most bosses out there. – If I had known that 10 years ago, I wouldn’t have spent so much time second-guessing myself. I would have been firmer in my opinions, and I would have put up with a lot less crap from employees. A lot of my employees over the years have taken advantage of my tendency to trust. I don’t want to change my personality, but I would not give people multiple chances after they screwed me over once.
• Dogs are wonderful companions. – If I had known that 10 years ago, I probably still would have had to wait to get a dog till I bought my house. However, I would have had dogs sooner and probably wouldn’t have experienced the meltdown that I did when I lived on my own for the first time. Dogs are always happy to see you, easy to please, and extremely loyal.
• Do something you enjoy doing, even if it doesn’t pay as well as other options. – There’s nothing worse than frittering away your life doing something you hate on a daily basis. If I had known that 10 years ago, I probably would have done everything possible to start my own studio rather than working as a supervisor in a company with a bunch of employees who hated me. Managing riffraff is not nearly as fun as shooting photos.
• Once someone proves they aren’t loyal, that should be the end of the friendship/relationship. - Loyalty isn’t something that’s conditional. People aren’t loyal “some of the time” and not others. By definition, that’s not possible. Once someone proves they aren’t trustworthy or they don’t have your best interests at heart, you should cut them off immediately. If I had known that 10 years ago, I wouldn’t have lost so much sleep over people who weren’t worth bothering with.
• A lot of people will only remain friends with you if they are gaining something from it. - Not many people will be your friend and actually think about YOU. The ratio of takers to givers in the world is about 1000:1. If you’re a taker, the rules are probably different for you. If you’re a giver, you need to find someone else who is a giver to be friends with. Oh yeah – the takers won’t give you a second chance if you screw up. Maybe that should tell you something…
• Gossips do not make good friends. - You know when your mom told you not to talk bad behind people’s back, because if someone will talk to you about someone, they will talk about you when you’re not around? She was right. If your friends like to talk smack about people who aren’t there to defend themselves, odds are pretty good they are talking smack about you, too. If I’d known that 10 years ago, I would have had a completely different set of friends.
• Anybody can get a college degree, even morons. - I have known a lot bozos who got a college degree. Some of them even got a Ph.d. College does not equal smart. College equals persistence. If you meet someone who has a degree, you are probably meeting someone who can finish what they start. However, they still might be a moron. If I had known that 10 years ago, I probably would have just jumped in and finished college in 5 years (instead of 11). I thought it was supposed to be hard. Turns out, it’s just time consuming.
• Home is where they have to take you when you have to go there. – Family is the one constant in life. Friends come and go, and sadly, even relationships come and go. Whatever happens, family is there, and it’s important. Even if you have a major falling-out with a family member, over time it fades. When times get tough, they are the ones that will really be there. I think 10 years ago, I had this figured out. 15 years ago, not so much.
• There is no substitute for happiness. – Drinking, smoking, drugs, promiscuity, extreme religiousity, etc. are just lame crutches that people use to cover up their unhappiness. Chances are if you meet someone who sleeps around or gets drunk all the time, they aren’t really happy. If that’s you, you should probably ask yourself what the real problem is. If I had known that 10 years ago, I would have just skipped my drinking phase altogether.

A few months ago I finally sought a doctor’s help for my anxiety. I was having panic attacks, experiencing agoraphobia (the irrational fear of agoras), and basically refused to travel, even for fun.

They say it’s typical for anxiety to start when a person is in their late 20’s. That was the case for me.

I tried to use Jedi mind tricks, tried controlling my circumstances (leading to more agoraphobia), and tried using diet to feel better.

The doctor prescribed a tiny dose of an anti-anxiety medicine (for daily use). It’s half of the smallest does they make.

The first 2 months I was on it, I actually felt worse. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t stop grinding my teeth even when I was aware I was doing it, and none of my symptoms were better.

After the first couple of months, it started to really kick in.

I’m happy to say that I feel better now than I have in years. I’m sure I could still manage a panic attack if I had the right circumstances, but at least in my day-to-day life, I feel much better.

It’s a good feeling.

Tonight, Jenna and I are going to the movies. I couldn’t have done that 6 months ago.

I couldn’t sleep last night, I’m grinding my teeth nonstop, and running around like a headless chicken.

I’m not sure what it is… probably just a combination of a lot of things.

I’ve had some tight deadlines at work, I’ve had more than the normal amount of website projects to do, and photo shoots coming out my ears. I also have a trip to STL this weekend for my cousin’s wedding, and travel always stresses me out!

I didn’t help things by drinking WAY too much caffeine yesterday. I normally drink a Pepsi or two, but yesterday I think I had 6. I was just so sleepy I was trying to keep awake, but that might have kicked up my anxiety level.

Ugh.

I am so sick and tired of hearing people make excuses for the stupid and/or bad things they do by their own choice. Yes, I do stupid and bad things, but I’d like to think I don’t make excuses. It’s maddening.

“Smoking helps keep me level.”

“I overeat because it comforts me.”

“Drinking helps me be more social.”

“I’m just sowing the wild oats till I meet the right person.”

“I’m just not wired for school.”

Those are just a few examples of making excuses. These are the same people who will complain about their chronic cough, complain about being fat, complain about always being hung over, complain about never having a serious relationship (or about having Herpes), and complain about being in a dead end job.

Well duh.

Of course you’re suffering the consequences of your actions. That’s how the universe works. Making excuses is a weak-minded way of dealing with your addictions, however.

If you want to stop smoking, stop smoking. Yeah, it’s easier said than done, but a crapload of people have quit successfully, so it must be possible. What’s the difference between the successful quitters and you? Well, they stopped making excuses and took action.

If you want to be thin, it’s pretty simple. Eat less. There’s no mystery to it. 1 pound is equal to about 3,500 calories. If you eat 3,000 calories a day and you only need 2,000, you’re going to gain about 40 pounds a year. It’s simple math. The inverse is true. If you eat less, you will lose weight by the same formula. No gimmicks, no shortcuts, just a decision to control yourself.

If you want to overcome your shyness, don’t do it with a crutch like alcohol. That’s not really “overcoming” anything. It’s simply masking your true normal behavior. Alcohol can be very damaging when used for the wrong reasons. In fact, come to think of it I can’t really think of any good reasons to drink. Maybe that’s why I don’t drink anymore!

Being promiscuous is another one that is often overlooked. It can be very damaging. Most of the people I know who were/are promiscuous have a very flippant, skewed perspective on sex. It’s not really even special to them anymore. And they wonder why no one wants to settle down with them. Hmmm. Then of course there’s the STD issue, which is yet another reason to stop making excuses!

“Not being wired for school” is one of my all time favorite excuses. Translation: School takes way too much time and it’s way too hard for me to commit. Ok, that’s fine if you mean it. But when you’re 40 years old making 12 bucks an hour, you’d better remember that it was your choice.

There will always be excuses for things we don’t want to do, including thing we SHOULD do. However, the grown up thing to do is to stop with the excuses and bite the bullet.

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I’m a fairly pessimistic person. I’m not necessarily proud of that fact, but it’s true. I generally expect that whatever can go wrong will go wrong. I’m not usually disappointed, because let’s face it… Murphy was right.

Because I’m a pessimist, I always make contingency plans. I never go into a situation without having some sort of backup plan. You could call it OCD, but mostly it’s pessimism. I expect things to go wrong, and I secretly harbor the superstition that if I’m prepared for any contingency… nothing will actually go wrong.

I know, I know. Stupid.

I’m married to an eternal optimist. I also have some good friends who are the same way.

Optimists get disappointed ALL the time because they always expect the best. They are genuinely surprised when things don’t go right. It used to annoy me to see optimists foolishly expecting everything to be great. But then I started to realize that these people were also happy most of the time.

Hmmm.

There’s really no such thing as a “realistic optimist,” because if you live on planet Earth, the only “realistic” way to be is pessimistic. Being a realist IS being a pessimist.

But pessimists are unhappy most of the time. They spend a lot of time expecting things to go badly. Often, things DO go badly, so we pessimists get our beliefs confirmed.

Why is it that when optimists get their hopes dashed, they are still optimists?

I think it’s because they choose to look at the bright side of life. They see a half full glass. I don’t think that’s foolish at all.

Other people will never respect your boundaries enough to simply leave you alone. They will insist on inviting you to things, asking you for help, asking you to volunteer, etc. I suppose that’s a good thing, because you don’t want not to have options.

However, I know many people who haven’t learned to say no. These people end up overwhelmed and worn out, unable to find alone time (which we all need). They wonder why they never feel like they get a break. And the answer is… the reason they feel that way is that they DON’T ever get a break.

I’m good at saying no. Some would say I’m TOO good at it.

Still, I find it difficult to say no to certain things. I have a hard time saying no to churches that need volunteers. I don’t necessarily seek out work, but sometimes they seek me out. Saying no is especially difficult if they need help with something I happen to be good at. For example, I’m currently running sound at the church on a regular rotation. I’m good at running sound, but I don’t like doing it. The church needs help with it, so I do it in spite of my dislike.

However, I almost never say yes to things I don’t enjoy doing. I don’t like outdoor activities… I pretty much always say no. I HATE smoky bars. I always say no.

I don’t feel bad saying no. Many people would. The silly thing is, the person inviting you to do something probably cares very little either way…

I guess that’s the thing to remember if you’re one of those people. Nobody cares if you’re there anyway. Don’t go unless you want to.