Toilet Paper Trumps Kleenex
Jenna frequently gives me a hard time for using toilet paper to blow my nose. I think her exact words are “I hate that you fill the trash can with bloody snot rags.”
You’d think that the fact I am constantly filling trash cans with bloody snot rags would generate some sympathy, but alas.
The fact is, I have allergies, bad ones. I generate about 20 pounds of snot a day, and that much blowing and sneezing is sure to also produce at least a little bit of blood. Yes, I try to crumple the toilet paper up so that it just looks like a ball of paper, but it isn’t always successful.
I once tried to use Kleenex for a while. Supposedly it’s stronger, gentler on your nose, etc.
My fundamental problem with Kleenex is that they are small and rectangular. Completely the wrong shape for massive nose blowing. If I blow my nose in one corner of a Kleenex, I might be able to get one wipe with the opposite corner, but generally the entire tissue is rendered unusable by the first blow. Toilet paper, on the other hand, is a long, continuous piece of paper that can simply be moved down in one direction. You don’t have to try and turn it to get an unsnotty portion to use.
Kleenex is also loaded with moisturizers and crap. When I use Kleenex, I inevitably get zits on my nose because the lotion clogs my pores. Toilet tissue doesn’t have that problem.
Kleenex almost always crumbles and leaves little lint fuzz pieces everywhere. Toilet paper is specifically engineered NOT to leave remnants behind.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t understand why anyone would use Kleenex instead of toilet paper. I guess it’s possible that if you just have a tiny bit of snot a Kleenex might work fine, but if your entire nasal system gets completely full 6 or 8 times a day, that’s a lot more snot than a Kleenex can handle.
So buy yourself a nice roll of snot rags.
I always knew you were a snothead.
Uh… Gross?
First: Beconase, get it use it and if you cannot use nasal sprays I truly feel for… your wife.
b) a follow up to the end of point I) Jenna deserves a medal, an emmy, an oscar, $4.7 million/gabillion dollars and a really nice shag carpet for putting up with your snotty @$$.
…and this is coming from your friend.
“…wounds from a friend can be trusted but an enemy multiplies kisses…”
p.s. I used to be a Big ol snothead myself until my Doc prescribed Beconase and Claritin. Claritin is a joke, but the Beconase/Zyrtec coctail I’m on now… I promise you I have NEVER felt better in spring. FEE-NOM-IN-ALL!!!
I’ve tried nearly every drug prescription and OTC and they all either make my heart race or give me nosebleeds. So snot it is.
Dude that sucks. Correction, that blows.