The Rocket’s Red Glare
So, it’s the fourth of July holiday, and we are all forced to ponder the greatness of this nation. For me, it isn’t the history of defeating our enemies against all odds, or bullying small countries with our massive firepower. For me, what really speaks volumes about America, is the vast amount of firepower that is wielded by the entire American population over this holiday weekend. Yes, I’m talking about fireworks.
You can tell that the holiday is drawing near by the explosions and screams of agony coming from every driveway in the neighborhood. You see, in America, it’s not enough to have fireworks on the actual holiday, and it’s not enough to leave the fireworks to professionals.
Every man, woman, and child in America has the god-given right to blow up sticks of dynamite, and whatever else they can find with explosive properties. You have your “Under 3″ fireworks, like sparklers and snakes, which are given to toddlers in order to remove their natural respect for fire. As kids grow up, they are given larger and larger explosives until they are adults, at which point all reason goes out the window. For adult males, in particular, the fourth of July is a challenge… a rite of passage as the American Uber-male.
Over the counter fireworks are ok, if you’re a wimp, but nothing says “I love my country” like strapping 100 M-80’s to a 5 gallon gas can full of racing fuel. Or using household solvents and a metal trash can to create a fifty gallon Hiroshima. Yes, as the American uber-male, you are limited only by your imagination. Budget is unimportant, because almost anything you find around the house is flammable or explosive, even the house itself. If you have a little creativity, you can defeat your neighbors in the “loudest explosion” competition. Yes, it’s never publicized, but we all know that’s what’s happening.
If you are afraid of fire, then you’d best stay in your house this weekend, because the sky is gonna be lit up. You might want to hose down your roof, because the neighbor kids have 500 bottle rockets, and they’ve got your name on them.
God bless the USA.
AUTHOR: HRT Thea-child, don’t feel that if you disagree in whole or in part with something that I or stinky-Pete have come to believe as Truth that you can’t play anymore. Quite the contrary. I think doubt and discovery are twins along the same trail. Just never be afraid to look for the Truth or be so jaded that when you find real Truth that you wander off.
AUTHOR: Incredipete In fact, I would say that differing opinions are what make life interesting. These conversations would be boring if everyone agreed.
AUTHOR: Incredipete And yes, I meant “Martin Luther” – the founder of the reformation… not “Martin Luther King” – the founder of fighting off the oppression of “the man.”
AUTHOR: thea Truth is in the heart of those who feel complete love. In that, I have no doubt.
AUTHOR: HRT oh I will get jiggy with the best of em. Just trying to keep it real 24/7 in the oh Fo, Fo sho.
AUTHOR: HandyPandy A lie can make it around the world before the truth gets it’s shoes tied.
AUTHOR: HRT …oh and I knew the M.L. you were referring to… otherwise you would’ve seen a verry stirring rendition of “I have a dream…” in this space…
AUTHOR: thea Dude, you said ‘Fo Sho’, niiice.
AUTHOR: thea I couldn’t find that in my thea-saurus anywhere!
AUTHOR: HRT Fo sho: From the urban contemporary vernacular meaning with certainty or “for sure” see also: fo shizzle my nizzle and mos def mah homie
AUTHOR: HRT At this rate I’m going to actually have to get some funding and really establish the ELS© and it’s sister foundation the ELFF©. The Eternal Life Funeral Foundation “We put the ‘fun’ back in Funeral”
AUTHOR: thea Kan you say ‘firewalls’? Don’t worry Big Papa, I’m on yo side b. I’m an honorary member of the GCBF (patent pending…) GotChurBackFoundation. “We got chur ‘way’ back”
AUTHOR: The Horny Excluded Ass All of these big words. Has anyone heard of the word acronym?
AUTHOR: thea Of course, why? Do you have one for us?
AUTHOR: HRT …it was at 15:55:35 on July 6,2004 that Thea officially stepped off the deep end into the great abyss known as insanity. She was a great gal with an even greater pair of… well that matters not right now, we can all just remenisce about how a mind is a terrible thing…
AUTHOR: The Mammoth Hunter